Menyentuh hati

Assalammualaikum w.b.t.


Since last time, hati ini masih lagi terpaut dan tersentuh selepas membaca blog milik Allahyarhamah Yasmin Johan Eusoffe @ Yasmin J Hunwick yang telah kembali ke Rahmatullah pada 3 Jun 2012. Ketika sedang giat bertweeting di laman twitter, suddenly ternampak tweet kawan(Ziehah, salah ktk tok), yang menyuarakan kesedihannya apabila membaca blog milik Arwah & there's the link to the blog also. Disebabkan otak ni memang jenis kuat memoret, dengan tekunnya terus go straight forward to the blog.

Dan perkara pertama yang mata ini nampak adalah wajah Arwah yang seriously comel tersenyum dan dengan hanya melihat gambar itu sahaja, hati sudah mula luluh. And after that the most recent updates on her blog is " Mama Rindu Along ". abehhhh dahhhh. Kelemahan yang paling ketara & the most sensitive sides of me will consumes me if it comes to Mom&Dad. Ya Allah, entry tu memang menyayat hati. I know I'm so left behind. Its already 100 days since she left us. Tetapi rasanya baru semalam pemergiannya. Seriously, apabila membaca satu persatu ayat yang diluah Ibu Arwah, air mata dah bergenang(rasa marah dengan sikap curiosity diri, kan dah bersedih tengah2 malam). And from her mom point of view, she's really really proud of her daughter.
At that  point, terbit lagi persoalan dalam hati, " Mak, if this ever happened to me, would you say the same thing about me? Do you proud having me as your son? ". Its scared me to death. Then I stop there, its not about me that night, I continue on scrolling down & go through her blog.


And after that, banyak draft yang belum sempat Arwah siapkan dikongsi Ibu Arwah. I continue on scrolling down, memang jelas Arwah memang seorang anak yang ceria, hyper, pandai & baik. Apabila menjenguk entry " Salam Lebaran 2012 ", where's the picture of her family & ucapan Hari Raya dari keluarga Arwah. tetapi yang paling tak tahan apabila membaca ayat terakhir " Tak dapat mama, papa dan adik-adik bayangkan hari raya tanpamu sayang.... :'( ". Air mata yang bergenang mencecah kuantiti sekilo pun tumpas dan melimpah limpah bercucuran. By looking at the picture, it would be so indah if there's one more person in there, with her cute innocent face, I mean Arwah Yasmin. Dan apabila membayangkan keadaan pagi raya keluarga Arwah, its must be so hard for them to not shed a tears. Hanya Allah SWT sahaja yang dapat memahami apa yang dilalui keluarga Arwah, even for me, sampai panas seluruh badan kerana tersentuh hati. And there's also the entry from her father. Bila tengok kad itu, Ya Allah, makin banyak habuk masuk dalam mata. Air mata yang bergenang sekilo pun pandai beranak pinak menjadi berpuluh puluh kilo. Sebak membaca ucapan Hari Bapa yang ditulis Arwah. She's must have been a very very good daughter. Nasib baik tengah malam, kalau mak tengok mata macam ni, hairan pulak dia. Sejak bila anak lelaki dia jadi anak perempuan.


For the entire night, kerana perangai pelik yang dihidap dari dulu tak pandai nak tidur awal, I've kept on doing some reading & exploring about Arwah. Seriously, I can't tell myself to stop & wondering why its feel like I really really want to know more about Arwah Yasmin. Then I like her page on Facebook, there I saw a lot of people giving support to the family. Terbit juga rasa bangga dengan sikap keprihatinan rakyat Malaysia. You guys did good !! There also, I've found out about her youtube video. So, with immediate effect, I quickly go watch the video. Arwah played piano really well. No wonder her mom mention " Along, along tahu tak, Piano test along Grade 4, along mendapat markah tertinggi ". Its sad that she'll not be able to show her talent more to us. Terjumpa gak video "619", nampak macam riang jer kehidupan Arwah. I'm glad if she's having a great time when her alive because deep in my heart, I'm crying why did out of all this people, why she's the one who have to go so early. Even I didn't even know her before just until now, seriously i can't tell why. I know its wrong to debate on that, semuanya takdir Allah SWT.


Continue on exploring her blog, tak sangka boleh sampai tergelak & senyum seorang macam dah kenal lama dengan Arwah. Arwah Yasmin memang rajin update update tentang keadaan di sekolah sampai flashback balik zaman sekolah jugak. And on the part " loghat utara " tu, terus tergelak. I've been there before. Ada kawan dari area utara dan apabila jumpa, dengar dia cakap sikit, mampuihh aaahhh. Tak paham satu benda pun. Kepala angguk2 mampu. Maklumlah, diri ni orang Sarawak, tiada darah Melayu. But after spending 6 months in the same class, rasa sangat seronok dapat belajar " loghat utara ". Sampai terbawa-bawa waktu main bola pun nak guna " loghat utara ". Seriously, even berasal dari Sarawak, I never ever found myself any different from any other guys in my own state, even in Sabah or Semenanjung Malaysia. I believe in every human being, we inherit the good sides of us from the day we're born. So, tiada bezanya okay. Thank you, for reminds me the great time I had at that time.


Sedar tak sedar hampir berjam jam di depan laptop, at some point I had to stop. Hasil pencarian yang terakhir sekali adalah video dalam youtube, that I've found on Territory Yasmin J Hunwick page on Facebook. Video " Langkawi Story : Beijing Acrobatic in Langkawi 2011 ". From the video, I can hear her voice, her face expression & her happy face. I've stopped looking at that moment & quickly watching Runningman to cheer myself up. Tetapi bangun pagi keesokan hari, termimpi Arwah & start balik cari gali lagi pasal Arwah. Dalam mimpi, I've found myself going to Langkawi & meeting her family asking permission to visit kubur Arwah. At that moment, I was crying like a baby once I sat down beside kubur Arwah. Terkilannya rasa kerana tidak sempat mengenali Arwah sebelum ini. Terbangun dari tidur, that's when I start on doing some drafting for this entry.



Untuk keluarga Arwah Yasmin, walaupun saya tak pernah muncul dalam hidup Arwah, tak pernah ambil tahu pasal Arwah ketika Arwah masih bernafas, salam takziah dari saya & sekeluarga. Semoga roh Arwah ditempatkan berada disisi orang yang beriman. Saya ingin memohon maaf sekiranya terdapat content di dalam blog saya ini yang menyinggung perasaan & terkurangnya sifat sensitivity. I hope that you all stay strong. I really do. Even myself yang tidak pernah mengenali Arwah merindui Arwah, apatah lagi keluarga Arwah sendiri. I know its too much too ask, tetapi sekiranya berkesempatan, kalau ada rezeki untuk ke Langkawi, teringin untuk menziarahi kubur Arwah, InsyaAllah.



Tidak pernah terfikir sekalipun seumur hidup yang diri ini boleh tersentuh sedalam ini, tergerak rasa hati sekuat ini, tertumpah air mata sederas ini untuk orang yang tidak pernah dikenali. Memang benar ajal tidak mengenal usia, masa & keadaan. Semuanya takdir Allah SWT dan jika waktu aku telah tiba, Ya Allah, memang diri ini bagaikan masih merangkak belum bersedia. Tersedar yang diri ini masih terlalu mentah dalam mengharungi kehidupan di dunia. Melalui pengalaman malam mengenali Arwah Yasmin melalui blog Arwah, impaknya memang kuat. Barulah paham kenapa diri kuat sangat nak mengenali Arwah, mungkin petunjuk dari yang Maha Esa untuk sedarkan diri yang masih buta hidup di dunia. Sampai pagi esoknya, duduk disebelah ibu sebab lama dah tak dudok borak borak kosong dengan ibu. If you all must know, now I'm on my sick leave, sebab baru mengalami kemalangan ketika bermain bola, patah tulang femur kiri. Besi pun dah lekat di paha kiri ni. So memang tak dapat berjalan & bergerak. Its gonna take almost a year to start running again. Its destroy me completely because I may never ever gonna play football again. After the accident, segala amalan ibadat yang telah diamalkan sebelum ini berkurang atas alasan sakit. Ya Allah, ampunkan dosaku, memang tiada niat untuk mengabaikan solatku, tetapi akibat terlalu bermurung atas kemalangan diri, terlalu berat diri untuk menghadapmu. Berasa sangat kesal. Alhamdulillah, sekarang dah mula cuba catch up balik. Even solat terhencot hencot, berkerut dahi sekalipun, sebagai hamba Allah yang lemah, I'm trying. Secara tidak langsung, Arwah Yasmin telah menggerakkan hati ini untuk menjadi insan yang lebih baik & insyaAllah anak yang baik. I hope this will be the biggest turning point of my life. Terima Kasih Yasmin Johan Eusoffe, we're all gonna miss you !








p/s : Bagi yang ingin tahu lebih lanjut mengenai Arwah Yasmin, bolehlah datang blog milik Arwah sendiri, misschronicz.blogspot.com, & page Territory Yasmin J Hunwick di Facebook. Jangan lupa sedekahkan Al-Fatihah..

Introduction

Assalammualaikum w.b.t.

As people usually do, I need to do some proper introduction first. What's more to come & awaits (like you all care right haha). 

I am a boy with tendency to write to share & to express what's bothering me. I am a Malaysian, a Sarawakian & a Muslim. I might write a lot in english because kinda used to (even my english is not that good), but I do write some later in Bahasa Malaysia because I like the sound of it. "Bahasa Kay-EL" ahahaha. Maybe when I'm mad, I'm gonna throw a fit, I'll use some Bahasa Sarawak because it sounds right. Macam "ingga eh!!". More on me, I have my previous blog which I'm not so proud with even there I have quite good numbers of followers but the topic were more based on Heartbreak. Macamlah aku ni doktor cinta or Will Smith in "Hitch".  So here's the new space of my intelligences, my views & my opinions. I hope you all gonna like it & be cool or gentle as the world is dying, so spread some love. :D

I've done some drafting, what I'll might share later on. There's "Futsal", "Most inspiring people", "Top Youtubers" & some other stuffs. Kalau tak keberatan boleh la singgah nanti okay.

Bagi yang suka membaca dan mengembara di ruangan internet like myself, melawat blog secara rambang boleh memberi idea, kesedaran, inspirasi, cerita & meluaskan pandangan. So, I'll hope the same goes you when you've came to visit here.

Suka menulis (obvious lah wei), pemain kesebelasan utama PS3, a big or the most passionate fan of Manchester United, like most of the music that sounds right or good, pemain futsal yang bersara awal, seorang anak lelaki yang sangat manja dengan ibunya, pemain gitar simpanan di rumah, penyanyi utama di bilik mandi, pemilik tongkat sakti Dato Kame separuh masa & insyaAllah kawan kepada anda dimasa hadapan.

I'm gonna share my favorite phrase & post in my previous blog. 

" in this world, they are 3 types of person. they are people who's always at the bottom & don't mind staying there for their entire life. & there's also people who's stuck in the middle & afraid to take charge of their life, more like a spectator in life who's give a clap for someone glory & downfall. there are also people that are dare enough to give a shot at life & try to make it at the top even realize the risk of being failed. but at least they felt the bitterness of fighting to make it to the top & learned from their downfall. so, where are you ? are u satisfied enough with your life ? its when i feel i have to take charge & try to move every angle in life. "

That's me in my previous blog !

My ambitions (on my previous blog)

 

At the early stage of my life, when i was in primary school, i have this one big silly ambition, which is to be named as the First Malaysia Prime Minister from Sarawak. Well, at that time Tun Dr Mahathir were our prime minister. I grew up watching him changed the face of Malaysia. How he actually gives an actual idea how KLCC Twin Tower Petronas gonna looks like. How he manage to make people around him believes in him. I admired him more than anything at that moment. But that was well before i grew up & became one hell of a teenager. It's not that easy actually. I'm not a naturally good speaker, i have such a terrible stage fright diseases, i'm not strong or brave enough to make big decisions involving somebody else. More importantly, i wont be able to sustain those kind amount of pressure, attention & demands in life. I won't lasts long. 

Then i decided to give up on that one first ambition that i ever ever had. Which I'm not gonna regret to because it leads me to lots of other opportunities. So i decided at that moment, lets life come to us. Don't make decisions when you're not ready & don't harsh on things that you know won't last. I give up on that, but at certain point of my life i live & there's one more big ambition that grew inside me. I wish & i really really want to put the biggest smile on my mom face when i give her some money from money that i earn, my first salary & insyaAllah, i want to sent both of my mom & dad to Meccah again someday. Let's work on that one big ambition because there's no doubt in my heart, that i love her so much & she have been always be there for me, i don't want to live where i'm gonna regret that i never do her any good. That's why i'm her favorite son. "Anak mak". InsyaAllah. It's okay to give up & let things grow by itself sometime. Our life might not been as wonderful as it appear on movies, but let's build the bridge to the one we love the most so we can recalled it later & smile.

Well, that's enough on introduction. I hope there's more to come soon. This blog bukanlah bertujuan untuk mengejar sesuatu tetapi lebih kepada memberi & menerima. Berharap sesangat I'll make a lot of friends from here. Never mind where you all came from, I've loved to get to know someone that maybe far far away from my place. I guess I'll see you soon then. 

sahabat baru anda, :D