Now you're gone

Everything in this space reminds me of you and every sad song out there, I can relate its for you..
Originally called "When I'm gone" by Anna Kendrick..


Now you're gone

Its very quiet that you're not around
and mom looks like she lost her way
With all the jokes and the words that you used to say

Forever in memories..

Its still ringing in my head, stuck on replay..

Now you're gone
Now you're gone..
I really miss you now you're gone
I really miss you by your hair
I really miss you everywhere, oh
I do really miss you now you're gone..

I kept on dreaming that you're still around
with our awkward arguments
You said hi, I said fine, you said okay, I said bye
can't believe that you're not waving us goodbye..

Now you're gone
Now you're gone..
I really miss you now you're gone
I really miss you by your walk
I really miss you by your talk, oh
I do really miss you now you're gone..

 your incompetent son,

miss and love you always

JOAH.

https://soundcloud.com/esswhyoukay/j-o-a-h

Oh baby, I like you, it's driving me crazy
The thought of you is making me feel good
These feelings, you're the reason why I'm having these feelings
I wouldn't mind to have them 'til I die
So stick with me, so I can make you mine, I can make you mine

You're the only one I'm looking at
Before I know it I start to laugh
Oh baby baby
I wanna say it loud

I like you, everything about you
From your head down to your toes
And every little thing you do
I like you, everything about you
I'm so happy that you're near
As time goes by I hope you're here
Girl, I need you in every way
I pray to be with you everyday
I would love to live happily with you

I'm gonna call you champ.

The feeling that I got when RVP hugged Sir Alex "oh man, that's must feel great" to be able to hug someone you respect and look up to, someone you can called as your father. Then it hits me, I'd have that kinda feeling as now I knew I would never step on the field again after that disastrous accident. I knew the game that I played in was nothing much as bigger as professional football game, but I would be glad if dad can come over when I played before. Mom did, but it was when I'm on track & field which I won 4 gold medal and almost won the best athlete but lose out to my bestfriend. Its feel great but to be honest at that time, I didn't say much to mom, how I appreciate the effort she made that day. But don't get me wrong, I didn't blame them for this, I played all across the country and its hard for them to come over. So this is not me blaming them, its just unfortunate that we can't shared that moment together.

And this is not gonna happened to you champ. I promise you that. I'm gonna be there every single time you're on the podium or when you lifted the trophy, even your first football match. I believe that at the age of 5-12 years old, the role of the father played a major part in shaping his son personality. Me and dad during that time didn't talk much but he still bought me gifts and stuff. But that's it. Now, even on my birthday, he would awkwardly asked my "Today is your birthday right?" and that's all. Hahahaha. I found it pretty funny at first but then, I believe it would be great if dad can opened up more with me. But nevertheless, I love him.

At this time, at the age of 22, its still early just to have think of this kind of things, where people usually enjoy themselves at this early adult stage, have fun, fooling around and make stupid decisions. But I'm gonna skip all that shit as I already wasted 1 year of my lifespan on bed, lying with my broken leg. The next time I'm no longer on my crutches, I hope I'm not the same person I am before. The on that I believe most of people would find its hard to approach and like me. I'm not a likeable person, I knew that, but my closest friend know me better and they tend to opened up with me as they see me as a good listener and adviser. Its just I'm a very preserved person but very loud once you get inside me. I hope the villain version of me ended at the time I lost my left step.

Hello champ. I don't know if you'll be able to read this later as for now, I'm not with anyone yet but I'm sure, sooner or later I'm gonna stick with one. I'm not that bad champ, don't you worry. I hope we will live well and shared all the little things in the world. I hope I can be a good role model for you. I hope you will look up to me and ask many annoying questions as possible except don't ask me "burung apa?".


I'm gonna call you champ for sure and you'll see me as your hero.

I'm all messed up.

Lying in the bed for almost 7 months
doing nothing waking up because of mom
hugging tight the pillow with my left leg still numb
trying not to care and acting dumb...
arguing with dad while I'm chewing chicken
forgive me dad its my time my life which is taken
away from me from someone who's I barely even know
how I wish that night that I should listen to my coz and say no..
I'm too fast, I'm too tricky, no you'll never catch me
you ran out of idea so you decided to kick me
but I guess you never knew how that kick defines me
I'm trampled bro so now you must be happy..
my brother were asking who did this to me
I said forget it, trying to protect you but no you never visit me...
dang ding dong ! this sounds irritates me
Dr Siva were struggling while hammering me
6 long hours I'm half dead I'm frozen the nurses try to calmed me
I said "its okay miss, pain is nothing new to me.."
 
Haven't been out much for forever wow
haven't met all my buddies and ladies for a while now
I miss them and I'm trying hard to remember how they looks now
some saying hai some just lay low
I know I'll never be the same friend that you guys know...
chilling on my bed listen to new music and laughing out loud because of Kang Gary
missing somebody, cheering up for me, saying its okay b
life is difficult, struggling is a must, world is not easy..
all alone trying to fight back and put a smile on the mirror
wear my best clothes going to the store buy some snacks and liquor
just kidding tho, I don't drink but sometimes it does cross my mind
does it helped, get drunk and losing track of time
watching all those geezers on the road smiling all the time..
I get it babe, in the midst of the night, there's someone came across my mind
saying its okay now, I'll put back the smile on your face,
while you enjoy your snack, your coke on your comfy bed
its my mom, making jokes funnier than TED...

Asking myself, am I having the worst time of my life?
its pretty high up there and its the closest thing what I called end of my life..
so I'm going through all the social network sites
reading all the articles and everything on sights
the unfortunate little baby who have the same name with mine (ahmad adam Syukri)
struggling with brain damaged from the first moment he's come to life
the doctor said this is the mission impossible kind of thing
and he's gone now, don't forget to give him our blessings..
scrolling the the timeline time and time again
felt annoyed and jealous for something that I can't gain
Seeing adee so happy with his job and his lovey dovey girlfriend
good for for you bro, at least I don't drag you with me and failed as I am..
do an X-ray time and time again
this is so breathtaking than being in the UFC ring
while they throw punches, and I lowered my pants
they try to hurt the others but I'm already in pain..
look at myself time and time again
gain so much weigh and chubbier than lynn
look not so cute and young again
at least I don't have to worried, how to look good on the screen..
I interpret the feeling that I have inside
I've been holding too much and now I let it slide
and you all wonder what crap am I talking about
this is not a song or a rap that you all gonna like..
this is my jam my struggles my shit and my life..

I'm all messed up... messed up.....

True Story. Survival of the fittest !

This is not a movie reviews.

 

This entry is based on the movie I watched recently. The Impossibles is a 2012 disaster drama film directed by Juan Antonio Bayona, tells the true story of a Spanish family's experience of the Tsunami 2004 that eats hundred thousands of life.

The film tells the true story of Maria and Henry Belon, played by Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor, and their three children. It starts as the family begins their Christmas vacation in Thailand, with the intention of spending a few days at a tropical paradise resort. Their idyllic vacation is interrupted on the morning of December 26, 2004, when a devastating tsunami destroys the coastal zone. In surviving the disaster, the family is separated and a desperate search to reunite ensues.-(en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TheImpossible2012film)

Naomi Watts performance in this movie moves me. She fits in the role perfectly. She interprets the role of how a mother would react to survive in that bloody massacre of situation and motivates her son to help other people. The movie is just not about the terrifying tsunami itself, its more about the human condition, to show the moment in which a person faces his or her own tsunami. Naomi nominated for OSCAR Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role, Golden Globe Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama, she truly deserves it.

Tom Holland who played as Lucas, the eldest of the three lads, making one of the finest feature debuts in years. He's only 13 when the movie starts filming. He shows what courageous really is, I know I made it sounds a bit exaggerating, but wait till you watched the movie. How he struggles to hold his though worrying about his mom and then helped the others around him. If the true story isn't like it was in the movies, I would still praise Tom himself and the one who experiences it in real time, Lucas Belon.

Enough with the spoilers. Go watch the movie first, then judge yourself. For me, the movie resonates me to react better if this kind of things ever happened. 

Back to the original family who experiences this in real life, the spanish family, The Belon. Now it may contain spoiler in the movie, so you better stop here. The mother’s name is Maria Belon and the father’s name is Enrique Belon. They have three sons and their names are  Lucas Belon, Simon Belon and Tomas Belon. They vacationed in Thailand over the Christmas holidays in 2004. They were on the set when they filming the movie where they helped the cast on how they should play their roles perfectly. That what helps Watts and co to perform miraculously well and original. Who knows better than the survivor themself.

This is from Maria Belon herself : She said: 'I remember being pushed against walls. You could feel them trembling and breaking, feeling them as they gave way one after another. The drowning sensation was like being in a spindryer. I saw many tunnels underwater, tunnels with lights at the end - the kind of vision that people tell you they see when they are going to die. Believing the rest of her family had died, Mrs Belon admitted there were moments when she felt like giving up. But she said life was 'wonderful again' when she finally surfaced and saw Lucas being swept past her alive. Lucas, who is now 18 and studying medicine at University College London, said jumping into the pool likely saved his life. 'I had never seen anything of that scale,' he told the Sunday Times magazine. 'It may as well have been the apocalypse.' The pair managed to grab hold of each other, clinging to a tree trunk, before eventually finding themselves in a kind of swamp. Mrs Belon later needed a life-saving operation to repair a horrific wound on her thigh and for deep gashes to her chest. - Maria Belon on The daily mail UK

From the father point of view : He who tried to grab his other children, Tomas, eight, and Simon, five, but lost them when he pummelled by the wave. He injured badly himself but then, when he came out of the water, he saw Tomas perched in a tree and about 40 minutes heard Simon, who had only just learned to swim, calling from another tree. 

I highlighted this movie and chose to wrote about it, majorly because of how the family spirits within the Belon that kept on going and survive this worst natural catastrophes of our time. Its unfortunate for the others who do not survive. I have soft spot for this kind of movies, when it comes to family. I grew up in a smalltown and big family. I got 3 big sisters, 1 big brother and 1 lil bro. Even I hardly recalled where do we being so close with each other but still, we do care a lot about each other. They always called me Mom favorite son's and I don't know why they kept on calling me that. I don't take it as an offense tho because I love my mom more than anything. I faced my own tsunami just a while ago. When I broke my leg and have to lie on the bed for sick six month, guess who help me and lift me back up, my mom of course. awh, enough about me. By focusing on the survival of this one family rather than the scale of the event itself, a better, and more human, representation of the disaster is displayed, this film shines. This is a film that must be experienced by all. As you lay in your cozy beds tonight, take your loved ones for granted as they walk by you, and breath the air you so blindly feel entitled to, think about if at one moment, one single moment, from now, it was all gone. The Impossible dared me to be a better human being, a notion not many films will or attempt to convey. 

Moment of impact: A still image from an amateur video shows a huge wall of water crashing onto land in Phuket, Thailand, on Boxing Day 2004

Devastation: A view from a helicopter of the damage caused by the tsunami in Phi Phi Island, south of Bangkok.









p/s : prepare for lots of stitches and blood in the movies. The images may not pleased you. 

You, the other You and You. Us. Me.

 The title already sounds cheesy, but the content would be more cheesy. So if you're not ready for cheesyness, you should click the small x button on top of your right monitor screens. Thank you.


Who I Love. What I Love. Where I Love...

FarahAF

Who I love, the girl that I know my entire life. Growing up together since childhood. Start saying HAI since primary school. Start liking each other when finally be able to exchange phone numbers. "Setiap pagi Syawal, dialah yang terawal", make me think of my school days Hari Raya celebration where I would going back to Kampung Rajang and be able to meet her. We could only meet once a year first, but then we can't stop seeing each other. I define her as "Who I Love" because of the criteria she have, the originality of her act, a kind softhearted lady, and I see her as the reflection of myself. At first, I do not understand how exactly people fall in love, does it happened by force or naturally. But then, she came to my life, proposing to me to be the one I called "baby" for almost 5years. She showed me what it feels like to be loved, to have someone stand by your side no matter what, to have someone who hold you tight when you need a hug. I loved the way she handle me, not afraid to throw stone at me, pinch me all the time, the awkward act when I'm around her even after we've been together for years. Not replying her text for 1 hour and I'll be damned for the next 24hours Staring at other girl would make myself a punching bag later. Doing something bad behind her back would make her a cry baby because she hates secrecy. It sounds like a woman who likes to take control of her man, but for me, I believe she really cared. I knew deep in my heart, she do really really love me.

Perempuan Melayu Terakhir : Wardina

What I Love, the girl that I met at the end of my secondary school year. She's amazingly beautiful with her fair skin, soft spoken and a truly "Perempuan Melayu Terakhir" material. At that time, she's the most sought after lady at her school and I keep on accidentally meeting her. Like most of young teenager, they can't let things like that slide or walk away, sounds like a challenge. So I spent most of my year trying to get into her head, and unfortunately she fell for it. I define her as "What I Love" is simply because of how I fall for her beauty. Only then I know, I do fall for someone who's attractive enough and that's cruel and that's why we only lasted for half a year. Men are all like that and I wouldn't be any different and nothing special. Appearance only attract you at that moment but the inside quality that would last forever. Outside appearance doesn't matter, they are not trophies.

A rock star : Avril Lavigne

Where I Love, the girl that I love when I'm in pain, when I'm still mad and of course when I'm at somewhere else which is this time at Kuching. I've not set my foot at Kuching for almost 9 years and its the only place where I feel like I'm a completely stranger. At that time also, "Who I Love" were still studying at Kuching and its feel like a burden being so close to her but not be able to see her. We end up pretty badly and something else happened while I'm there and at that time I know, we would never meet each other again after this. But then I met this grown  up lady, somewhere in social network, someone introduce me to her. She's the opposite of both, a really calm lady, with rock&roll kind of attitude, and most of all, she pick me up when I start crumbling down. Kuching, I already in love with the city even just spent a month there and after this, there's a reason to smile for whenever I set foot at Kuching, a smile for a truly kind and strong lady I truly care.


I hope there's this one person who can be all of them. I want her to be "Who I love", "What I love", "Where I love". I want you to be all of them. I want you to be awkward with me all time. I want you to control me, forbid me, correct me when I'm wrong, pinch me when you want to, cry with me when you need me to, and show me that you care. You will always be the Jasmine and I'm your Aladdin and I don't need you to be pretty all the time because you already mine. I want you to be calm also when there's difficulties in our relationship, you also can shout my name like a RockStar when you're mad with me. And if you are all of them, I can't see why we wouldn't make it forever. If you are none of them and I'm still be able to love you, you are out of this world, you are definitely special, one of a kind and InsyaAllah, you are THE LAST.


I wrote this short after I watched short clip "The Last" by WongFu productions. They really interpret the story well, and it brought me years back. You guys should watched the video, you'll know what I mean.


I decided to write this not to blame them or anything. This is just a short snapshot kind of looks how true love life happened. I really really appreciate every single thing I shared with them and I do Thanked them for the time we spent together. They truly deserve someone better, unfortunately it wasn't me. Sometimes when you truly care about someone, you just have to walk away and let them be happy without you. Some people are meant to fall in love with each other... But not meant to be together...


In this marathon called life, our paths might be different and even if we live insufficiently. We live with the fun of filling it up and though there’s a lot of hardships. That's the ugly truth of life, the cruel rule of world. And love is just one of a big factor behind all this.


At this period of time, I already left brokenhearted this time not because of a girl, because of I actually do broken for real this time, its my left femur bone. I already spent 4 months on bed, which is so so upsetting. Watching other people growing up, earn money and living their normal life. Its hurting me non stop, but that's why there's a reason to fight back, because now I know, there's more to cherish in life rather than all that I had before. Still long way to go..

Crush on Agnes Monica doppelganger

Crush is the only words that I can recalled close to love right now. Because of the fact that I'm not well now, I can only watch you slipping away everyday. Not be able to do what I would do back then. But thanked god, she's kind enough to talk to me, and greet me everyday. So just lets be friend for so many years..









PS: I want to travel, fall in love, and just be happy.. Someday...Maybe...

The Alter Ego of mine.

Pernah dahulu seorang budak kecik, yang berumur 12 tahun belajar di tahun 6 di Sekolah Rendah Kebangsaan Haji Matahir duduk termenung di tingkat 3 bangunan sekolahnya. Selepas keluar dari bilik kaunseling selama 2 jam kerana perangai kurang senonoh bertumbuk dan cedera di tangan kerana dicacak dengan pensel 2B. As the results, dipanggil untuk sesi kaunseling seorang diri kerana UPSR yang semakin hampir. Soalan pertama dalam bilik kaunseling, "Kalau diberi peluang menjadi seekor haiwan, what would you be?". Dalam dua saat, dengan konfidennya apabila teringat dengan cerita Godzilla, oh man. "Dinosaur!" Guru kaunseling terus geleng kepala, tak pernah dengar jawapan ni lagi. Yang ada sebelum ni kancil, harimau, singa & durian pun ada (lawak ker). Orang semua nak jadi bijak, kuat, ketua while yang seorang ni nak jadi Dinosaur. Budak ni pun menceritakan how he wish that people would scared of him, respect him & look up to him. Budak ni minat sangat dengan Tun Dr Mahathir Mohammad. Dinosaur adalah calon binatang yang dilihat sebagai simbol untuk takutkan orang, menjadi perhatian & survive on his own. That's how he think, maybe on that day. For 2 hours, budak ni kena lecture why he should stop all the rebellious action from now on. Budak ni jugak adalah calon pelajar cemerlang sekolahnya. One of top students, excellent in sports as well. So last solution dari pihak sekolah, budak ni dihantar untuk Seminar Skor A UPSR di Kuching where semua budak pilihan dari sekolah masing2 turut hadir. But they don't know yang budak ni memang nak pergi pun, sebab gadis tercantik di dalam kelas pun pergi, she's the best student at school & his biggest competitor but also his inspiration to do better. Yes, memang budak ni kecik kecik dah ada ciri ciri mat bunga. Mengutus surat menerima surat adalah perkara biasa di zaman sekolahnya. Handsome taklah sangat tapi mungkin sebab ketinggian kot.

Sampai di Kuching, ingatkan pandai jaga perangai. Setiba di tempat penginapan, cikgu dah larang keluar malam, dengan otak yang kreatif & dipengaruhi movie, dengan cemerlangnya mengajak kawannya ke shopping mall berdekatan dengan niat membeli patung mainan askar, at that time was the hot stuff. At mall, they saw topeng power rangers & without hesitation they bought it. On way back, guru guru pun baru balik & tanpa rasa panik, budak ni bertukar menjadi power rangers dengan slumbernya masuk ke bilik. Ingatkan hebat, esoknya kena lecture jugak.

Di tengah sesi seminar untuk subjek sains, the experts asked all the almost 1000 students in the hall, siapa yang tahu soalan ni, angkat tangan. Budak kecik yang ingin menunjukkan kehebatannya di hadapan gadis idamannya, terus mengangkat tangan. Sekurang2 kurangnya ada 5,6 pelajar lain yang mengangkat tangan. Then, unexpectedly budak kecik ini ditunjuk dan terus diberi mic untuk menjawab. Dengan terkejutnya, budak ni menggeleng dan terus duduk. Terus menjadi bahan ketawa dan bahan bualan terhangat sepanjang seminar. Mungkin sebab dia tinggi kot. We never know. Hahaha.

The big day finally came, budak kecik ni tak disangka skor 5A untuk trial UPSR but then for the real one, he only managed to score 4A1B and sadly subject yang paling diminatnya English yang B. Konfiden tinggi langit mungkin, orang sibuk belajar untuk UPSR, budak kecik ni layan Gusti dengan TV baru 32inci yang dianggapnya besar sangat pada tahun 2002. As the results, gelaran pelajar cemerlang pun jatuh ke tangan Gadis Idamannya, he still clapped & feel proud for her. Budak kecik ni biarpun bijak & rebellious but he never make a move for that girl. Bila selesai sudah sesi sekolah rendah, waktu cuti, unexpectedly surat dari si gadis ni sampai di rumah. That's when he realize, tak kurang hebat jugak diri ini pabila da juga orang yang sudi kirum surat. After that, up until now, they never saw each other again. He's glad because from what he heard, the lady doing so well in her studies.

Budak kecik ni pulak dapat offer masuk Sekolah Agama Sibu & his parents already submit the application nak mintak belajar dekat sekolah menengah terbaik di bandar berdekatan, but again this rebellious kid, rejected all the possibilities dengan alasan, Sekolah menengah yang akan dimasuki nanti adalah salah satu sekolah paling aktif dalam sukan, which the only thing that sounds great to him at that time. So, that's how it is. He enrolled at that school and do extremely well at that school, of course in sports, sadly falling behind in grades.

Budak kecik ni duduk termenung balik di umurnya yang kian meningkat, if I could do it differently, what would have I become right now. Benda ni memang akan datang sendiri bila anda meningkat usia, how you wish you'd do things differently, but have no regrets, we still got time, insyaAllah.

Budak kecik ni mungkin nak cerita sikit lagi di lain hari. ada lagi sambungnya mungkin. That's all untuk sesi termenung hari ini. 





ps : This is not me.